Oh Man
Moments of the week:
Dave: Didn't Pee Wee get arrested for trying to rape kids on the set of Pee Wee's Playhouse?
Me: NO!
D: oh, what did he get arrested for?
M: jerkin off in a porn theater
D: you can't do that?
M: it would appear not.
D: then what the fuck are porn theaters for?! To listen to the soundtrack?! To sit there commenting on how you can't wait for the film to come out on video?!
Mom: Dave if I bring out the Halloween candy do you think you can control yourself?
Dave: nope.
After getting off the phone with her parents
mom: all the jokes were meant for really old people like my dad's age. They were all things like "you know you are too old to trick or treat when you have to use the bathroom after every house"
Dave: yeah, that is really only funny if you are really old grandpas probably like "hahaha its funny 'cause its sorta true. Now that i think about it i DO crap my pants alot"
Oh What A Day
Today was...interesting. Good, but interesting.
First off, Composition 1020. I got my paper on the "media's image of the body" back. I got an A!! How the fuck that happened I don't know. It also had the best teacher comment on it EVER. "HOLY S---!! Good ending....Damnit! My mouth gets me in trouble-please don't take offense- if you do, please come and talk to me." Take offense? That is the best thing ever! It made my morning.
Next Cultural Anthropology. Think I bombed the quiz at the begining but thats ok. Wanna know why? Because for the rest of the class we talked about Sneeches, as in the Dr. Suess book, destroying barbie dolls (a subject I am well versed in) and something called "Penis fencing" and "taking head" (Ahahahahaha!! I am so mature). I am pretty sure that these had something to do with gender issues, but wasn't paying THAT much attention.
Past the Hari Krishnas and on to Math for people who don't understand math. Boring as all hell, but I was one point away from an A on my test. So that's cool I guess. What am I talking about? One point?! That pisses me off. I'd almost rather get a clean C. No, sorry that was a lie. But Ms. ...um...McKillip(?) If you could see your way to rounding that up, that would be awesome.
After math it was off to the bus stop, where I sat. And waited. And then a parade of Kerry supporter showed up they were headed by this skinny little lady who was none other than John Kerry's sister. She was nice. She gave me stickers and a hardy handshake.
And that was all before 1.
That is exactly what Kiyomi and I became this weekend, starting Friday when I picked her up in Greeley. We witnessed an alley and Sweet Rockin' Coffee flood, we rode the 16th street mall shuttle, I set off the alarm in the Tattered Cover, we skipped through Virgin Mega to warm up. We entered the nearly abandoned Capital building with the express purpose of going up to the dome, only to find out the third floor is under construction. So we wandered around, taking pictures of statues, wanting to steal the little zamboni thing they use to clean the floors, before sitting at the One Mile Above Sea level mark for half an hour or so, making faces at people passing by. Then it was time to stroll up Colfax! We discovered a record store that had a life size cut out of Kenny G. Damn I wish we had gotten a picture with it! As well as the "Learn to Square Dance!" album.
Cross the street to church! The big cathedral on Colfax we realized we had never been in. We finally find a door that is open and step into the seemingly empty church. 30seconds later the organ starts up scaring the crap out of us.
A few minutes later we step out on to the street and spot 3 other churches in the neighborhood that we had never been in. Well the Catholics must have called and told them we were coming, because the doors were all locked. I see how it is.
Time for food! We set off to Chead's, the grilled cheese restaurant. Hooray! Then back to the car and out to drop Kiyomi off. I ran home, changed, ran to the Bluebird for the Killers show I could have sworn wasn't for 2weeks. Pete's Kitchen afterwards with Rachel.
Saturday night.
Meet Kiyomi at St. Mark's around 7.30ish after talking to Rach and she decided she didn't want to go out (that was a mistake my friend). Quarter to nine-ish. Let's go see Huckabees! Can't find a paper, damn, well we know there is one starting between 9 and 10. Do the Swingers thing for the rest of the night and take seperate cars everywhere. Get to the Mayan, buy tickets, have an hour to show time. Walgreen's it is! We were just going off in search of candy, we ended up trying on bits of Halloween costumes and playing with as many toys as we possible could, not to mention the pillows, make up, hair spray cans and anything else we could find.
9.45 movie starts. Kiyomi and I love this movie. We laugh at parts that only the two of us seem to think are funny.
Movie ends, we stand in the parking lot decided what the hell to do next, but keep getting distracted by other things, ie our cameras, a guy that almost ran into both of our cars while exiting the parking lot, the thought of how funny it would be if we got in some sort of trouble with the police, then we could have them pose for pictures and that would really make the weekend complete.
We finally decide. We are off to the 24 hour Starbucks. It is packed! Mainly with people who are not from the US. It is like a little international club. We sit out side, trying to horde our 4 chairs for as long as possible, it doesn't work. We watch obviously drunk underage kids go up to the counter and order with their beer still clutched in their hand.
12.30 ish. We are frozen, off to Village Inn! Kiyomi leads the way, taking a very scenic route through various parking lots, and dancing around while waiting for the light to turn.
We get to Village Inn, Kiyomi makes sculptures out of the silverware (amongst other things). She points out that they can fork and spoon at the same time, but we can't.
2am or so. We leave Village Inn. Long tearful good byes in the parking lot. Back home to sleeeeeeeeep.
Fav. Kiyomi quote: after taking a sip of her mocca and a bite of butterscotch cheesecake "oh man. This is the closest I have come to an orgasam in a long time." I love you Kiyomi.
*click on the title and it will take you to my photos from this weekend. There should be a folder with the same title as this entry*
Dave Sucking Wood
Dave apparently smoked crack for lunch today. Earlier he came into my room and was trying to make up jokes. None of them were what you could consider funny. They just didn't make the cut. To give you a view of just how these jokes went here goes Davids favorite:
So a kid goes to the circus and a clown asks for a volunteer. Of coarse the kid volunteers and of coarse he gets picked (lucky bastard) so he goes down to the clown and the clown asks "are you a horses face?'
"no"
"are you a horses belly"
"No"
"are you a horses foot"
"NO"
"then you must be a horses ass" well everyone in the audience laughs but the kid gets real angry. so the circus leaves town and the kid is still angry. Well the old big top paroozie comes back when the kid is about 30. So the now man goes and develops a plan of how to get the clown back. The same clown asks for a volunteer and the man volunteers. So he goes down and the clown asks him "Are you a horses face?"
"no""are you a horses belly"
"no"
Are you a horses foot"
"no"
"Then you must be a horses ass"
And the mans screams back "NO YOU ARE" and shoots the clown in the face
In fact the funniest was the beginning of one that I interrupted.
Dave: So Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum are rapping the White Rabbit-
Me: EW! WHY IS YOUR ASS ON MY BED!!!!
At this point I noticed that his sagging pants had sagged a bit low, and his boxer had ridden a little high. And ol' mister happy brown-hole made a late afternoon visit to bedville(daves sentence).
At this point it was time to get dave out of the room. Not an easy task. In fact the only way he would leave was if I dragged him back to his room. Un fort un atly ( Dave insists that it is 4 words not 1) his "175 pounds of sheer muscle" was quite dificult to scolorose across the dance floor, i mean hallway, oh shit, dont read that(daves sentence). I finally got him to his room I left him sprawled to his own self wallowing in the pities of his self anguish, aka, the middle of his floor where he lay wishing aloud he had carpeting and yelling kind requests then spitting accusation that I was too lazy "to pick up your own brother and sit me up against the wall!" 20min later, disaster struck. "A flood hit bladder town" the boy had to pee, but couldn't be bothered to stand up and walk the 10 feet to the bathroom. No, I had to drag him another 10 feet, then help him to his feet. Twice...he fell....hard...it was wicked funny. As the italinas say "bonui jupa colotora besica tomeilla" or " the man full of lemonade will always eat pie" he canned, hard(daves sentence). Finally he gets up goes to the bathroom, a few minutes later he triumphantly marched out of the bathroom door, looked around and layed down in the middle of the hallway, resuming his requests to be dragged to various rooms in the house before dumping a basket full of laundry on his stomach.
Once again, diaster struck. This time in the form of hiccups. Apparently Daves sure fire cure for hiccups is "to orally attach oneself to a smoothed horthornated peice of wood, which is an ancheant remedy used by the charokee to deruod the 'hiyocapie' away from thier smal nested village of teepees and buffalo where the grew corn or as they called it "maze" only the catch is hiyocapie means white devil, which is irony, cuz suprise suprise im black"-david
Dave in response to his photo "now I know how Paris Hilton feels" and then went on to make up a snazzy little song about how there are so many porn sites, so little time.
As you can see this is an ongoing thing, in fact he hasn't stopped talking. He also was a guest author on this entry. Hope you enjoyed it.
Check out the Team America World Police webpage. All the lyrics to your fav Team America songs like "America, FUCK YEAH!" "It's takes a Montage" and "I'm So Ronery." Wallpapers, icons, clips and some funny behind the scenes interviews with Matt Stone and Trey Parker that I highly recomend. You can even create your own Team America Member.
The Miracle Of Czech Trains
I was looking through the Journal I kept for last three weeks I was in Austria, and stumbled across the famous train ride
Rachel and I took from Salzburg to Prague.
First off there is no direct train from Salzburg to Prague. You would think that would be a logical place to have a direct route, seeing as both are big tourist towns. But no, you go Salzburg-Linz- Summerau-Cheske Budejovice-Prague. We chose the 8.10 am departing time getting us into Prague at 2.54pm. A decision we regretted when we awoke hungover. Second Czech trains are a miracle. Somehow, they still work.
The first two trains were fast, fairly quiet Austrian trains. We closed the curtians in our compartment on the first train to aviod worsening our hangovers, something the conductor on the train to Linz found very amusing. The second train was brand new. Then we pulled into Summerau. The last stop before the Czech boarder. The train stops, we move toward the door to exit. There is no platform, no sign, just a little building with a few workers standing out front smoking and two other trains. One train is loaded with VWs being taken from the plant. The other is two to three carriages long, was made around the time of the second world war and hasn't had any work done on it since Stalin was in power. Hoping our train had not arrived or this was just a mail stop, I ask the conductor. He pointed to the antique green train. Dang.
We climb, and seeing as there were no platforms just gravel climb is exactly what we did, aboard our first Czech train and find a compartment to claim for our selves. The first one we see is ours. We drop our bags sit down and look around. We try to close the door to the compartment, it will only close half way, until you are in motion and then will close all the way, but only if you aren't touching it. We try to draw the curtians, there is only one. It is threadbare and only covers the top part of the glass doors. So the door is half closed and the side that is closed is shadded by the curtain. There are no curtains on the windows, those are long gone. There is an interesting smell that can't be identified and a sound somewhere between dripping water and something being hit with a blunt object between the ceiling and the roof, but only when the train is stopped.
After all the customs officials come by, the train lurches into motion. Well, it is more of a quick initial lurch, then some odd grinding that makes you wonder if a small tree is caught in the gears. Luckily we don't travel very fast, or very far. A few miles and we are over the boarder and ready to make our first stop. Stopping is not fun. A little grease would go along way. Before you even see the stop, the breaks are applied. They let out an ear piercing screach that does not stop until the train has reached a complete stop when the mysterious clanging noise takes over acompanied by an odd series of creaks and groans.
Sometime into the ride, Rachel goes off in search of the bathroom. A few minutes later she returned laughing hysterically. She managed to explain, between fits of giggles, that she walked into the water closet next to our compartment to go to the bathroom, but there was no toilet. "I kept spinning around and around thinking I had missed it, but there wasn't one." After a long laugh on just how ghetto Czech trains are, we switched to a slightly larger, slightly less (it had a toilet) crap train to Prague.
Of all the things we did on that trip, that train sticks out as being one of the more suprising, and funny things we did. It was just so crap.
Is It Any Wonder I Am The Way I Am?
My dad never ceases to amaze me with stories of his life. Like the time we were having a good old fashion family conversation on the subject of streaking and he confessed to having semi-streaked while quitting a job in college. He walked through wearing an apron. (terribly sorry if this brings up unwanted mental images)
Tonight another such suprise arose. I was watching part of the Yankees, Red Sox game when we noticed that the Red Sox pitcher had cornrows. I have said it time and again, white people should never sport cornrows. Our scalps are just too damn white. It's blinding. Not to mention, we look.....odd? retarded? like posers? whatever. As I finished saying this my dad pointed out that he did indeed have cornrows for about a week at one point. Needless to say I laughed and laughed.
I knew my dad had longer hair in high school and college. I have seen very amusing photos of his long, blond, natural banana curl hair. But my dad? Cornrows? Did not see that one coming. I can only hope he actually meant funky dead head braids that stick out in every which way and threaten to become dreadlocks at any given moment, this I can picture without laughing....too hard. But Cornrows? Oh the tears are real.
Back in the USSR.... Or Dora Moore
It's strange. In the last week and a half I have come in contact with 5 people that I went to middle school with and haven't talked to since like freshmen year of high school, or there abouts. Suddenly I am having coffee with them, making chit chat with them on campus or getting a suprise message on Myspace from them. And yes, I will admit, there is one that I have seen twice and successfully avoided twice. In a way I kind of enjoy it. It lets me see how or if people change. One person it is great to see again, one is too soon to tell. But in one or two cases it is very obvious why we stopped talking after middle school, the only thing we had in common was the fact that we went to a very small school.
So the way things are going I may very well run into my entire middle school class before the month is out. After all, there were only what? 27 of us? Maybe a bit less.
Trick-or-PEANUT BUTTER!!!
I am starting to get really excited about Halloween, I've had my costume picked out since July. I didn't have a costume last year. Instead I hung out at the house. I remember getting out of the shower and having Marianne very excitedly came up and tell me in her posh british accent "You missed it! Your people were just here!" I was not aware I had "people" I thought that was just an expression. Apparently I was wrong. My "people" were in fact two American families from Pheonix that lived around the corner who were out trick-or-treating at pre approved houses in the neighborhood.
As for my Halloween treat, Marianne had found a jar of Nick's American Style Peanut Butter "It's the American way of life!" I was very excited until a few days later when I tried it and realized just how truely american peanut butter is.
This year I can't wait! I missed my American holidays. I just wish I could sitll go trick-or-treating.
Brace Yourselves!
Guys, you are never gonna believe what happened today. It blew my goddamn mind!
By now most of you have heard me bitch about my german professor. Hell, I have written 2 entries about it. But today, kid you not, today my german professor, taught german. In german. For the entire class period, not once mentioning anything about grammer. MOTHER OF GOD!! We even played a game! Granted it was a lame one, but it's a start. I was on the edge of, dare I say it, learning something! Sweet Jesus!
I guess all those complaints to advisors and heads of departments finally got somewhere. But then again it was just one class, but damnit! I have hope now. HOPE!!
You'll Take What Is Given To You
Sitting in my basement sifting through the former contents of my room, looking for a book I wanted to list as a source on a paper, I stumbled across my fortune. Not as in a fortune cookie fortune, but my fortune that was given to me at a shintu shrine in Japan. I would like to share with you some of the things it says.
Your Fortune, Quiet Good.
You have a modest charm with you, though you aren't aware of it (actually I am, you just told me). But there's a moment you feel a man powerless (what?). So follow your mind faithfully, and rely on God (I just had to be an athiest, damn).
Hopes and Ambitions: Be modest in everything, trust God, and your hopes will be realized if they are not too big (big dreams? Not for me apparently).
Studies: Don't aim to high and you will be successful (so much for getting a Masters degree)
Getting A Job: Trust God and work hard
Date: Be moderate (so don't play the field, but don't marry the first guy I hook up with. Am I getting this right?)
Love: You will see an attractive person, but you are too shy (Damn me and my modest nature!)
Marriage: Do Not be too particular. The sooner, the better ( Let me get this straight, I will see someone I like but will settle for someone who is just ok? DAMN IT!!)
Childbirth: Take care of yourself. All right. (I'm gonna die aren't I? you can tell me, I can take it)
Family: You will lead a content life, but do not indulge in gambling (so I don't die in childbirth.....right?)
Buisness: Refrain from new things (Cubical here I come!)
Your flower is cammellia. It means "only God knows your fate" (So this was all guessing? There is still hope! Huzzah!)
I Rock.....sorta.
School update:
Composition paper: on The Media's Image of the Body, more than half done. GO ME!!
Anthro paper: needs a concluding paragraph.....and maybe a bit taken out as right now it is much longer than it is supposed to be.
Cold War: Still raging from 1-2.15pm every Monday and Wensday in the Plaza Building
German Professor: Still alive (impressive no?)
Number of items I have scored lower than a B on: 1 (it was math homework, therefore expected of me)
Number of classes ditched: 1
Number of days until semester is over: way too damn many.
Have any of you heard about this? If it is true, he is desperate, or sucks more then i originally thought. Anyway, the guy who runs this blog has some good links and photos.
Also this was taken from www.democraticunderground.com under their top 10 debate moments. i found it funny.
"Furious George
Karl Rove must have put George W. Bush in a world of hurt after his strange performance during the first debate. In Miami Bush was caught on camera smirking, grimacing, swaying from side to side, and molesting his podium. This time he was clearly under strict orders to show no emotion whatsoever while John Kerry was speaking. It worked pretty well. Apart from the frantic blinking and teethgrinding - which, to be fair, could be left over from his cokehead years - Dubya managed to stay relatively composed. For a while.
Unfortunately, at the first debate Bush also ended up looking like a wimp, stammering, pausing, and staring blankly at the camera for several seconds before answering questions. So this time he was also under orders to be more forceful while speaking - to look more like a "leader" than he did during the first debate, where frankly he looked like a tranked-out sock-puppet.
Of course, when you give George W. Bush two conflicting instructions, you know there are going to be problems.
Bush started strongly, but as the debate progressed and John Kerry's barbs hit home, he gradually became angrier and angrier. And... angrier. After a few questions Bush could barely restrain himself, practically leaping from his stool as soon as Kerry had finished speaking. And his "furity" culminated in a bizarre attack on moderator Charlie Gibson.
After a question on the possibility of a military draft, Bush flew to his feet, yelling over Gibson who was in the process of offering him a 60 second response.
GIBSON: Mr. President, let's extend for a minute...
BUSH: Let me just - I've got to answer this.
GIBSON: Exactly. And with Reservists being held on duty...
(CROSSTALK)
BUSH: Let me answer what he just said, about around the world.
As the president glared at him, Gibson looked startled. And then Bush started yelling. "You tell Tony Blair we're going alone!" he barked. "Tell Tony Blair we're going alone! Tell Silvio Berlusconi we're going alone! Tell Aleksander Kwasniewski of Poland we're going alone!
I mean, jeez. I know Bush doesn't like it when people forget Poland, but there's no need to shout about it.
So which George W. Bush will turn up for the third debate? Spaced-out Robot George? Or Unstable Maniac George? Or will we see something else entirely? I can't wait to find out!"
I think the title says it all.
Things I Learned in My Cultural Anthropology Class Today
It's funny how when you aren't paying attention your mind will pick up the strangest bits of conversations or in this case lectures. For instance, these are things I heard this morning while writing a letter in Anthropology.
"You can't milk a llama" (huh, who knew?)
"They had HUGE tracks of land" (stupid Monty Python and the Holy Grail)
"Oh yeah, the Amish get busted for dealing drugs all the time. That is who we always bought pot from in high school"
(this lead to a rockin conversation where the rest of the quotes are from)
"They get busted for DUIs too on their horses."
"If it's real amish then it would be hard to trace it, since they aren't allowed to have their photos taken. Not to mention it would be pure since they don't use pesticides and chemicals" (the professor decided to join the discussion)
and my personal fav, "No dude, you don't understand. This shit's Amish!"
Oh The Tears Are Real
I don't know if any of you watched the vice presidential debate last night, but it. was. awsome. Cheaney was so angry he was meer moments away from another heart attack, instead he just passed on questions. Edwards killed him. KILLED HIM. brilliant.
But what I find really funny actually happened after the debate. I was studying in my room when Dave came in, laptop in hand, to show me George W. Bush's official website. Which apparently someone had hacked into. Among the updated items were inspirational quotes from the president about how a dictatorship would be easier and how they were doing everything they could to rid the world of freedom, for those of you who saw it the sloganator is back up, the quote that immediatly popped up in it was "And you thought Reagan was dumb!" There was a counter at the bottom of the page that tallied up the cost of the war thus far. And there was the president's war record, click on it and it takes you to a site called awolbush.com
Unfortunatly someone at the Bush campeign found out about this and, well not corrected these errors but erased them from the site.
hahahaha.
Everybody Do The Propaganda
That is probably my favorite line from the new Green Day single.
Sorry I am supposed to be writing my first draft on a paper on The Media's Representation of the Body. A topic that I feel is very well worn territory. Making it all the more tricky to present it in a way that is "unique and interresting so your reader will want to keep reading." So if any of you find this topic really interesting and would like to write a paper on, let me know. I will totally write a paper for you, granted it is not on this subject obviously. Or hell if you have some good ideas for me, that would be awsome.
I Love The Swedes
The Sahara Hotnights win for most free stuff at their merch booth. I bought a shirt at their show last night. With it I was offered a free poster. sweet. Then I wanted to buy a pin too, "oh the buttons are free too." Score! "would you like a free sticker?" Hell yes! Do I still have to pay for the shirt? Or can I have that free as well?
The Sahara Hotnight rock my world guys.
New Lego films among other things. Perfect for when you are bored and it is raining and you should be studying or doing homework.....rather a lot like now actually.
So go forth and enjoy young 'uns.
